Spoiler warning: This article reveals details from the fifth episode of The Celebrity Traitors
“We’ve utterly failed,” said David Olusoga, as the fifth episode of the Celebrity Traitors neared its end.
And he wasn’t the only celebrity who seemed mired in self doubt.
“So far, I’ve been so useless it’s breath-taking,” said Kate Garraway.
Celia Imrie admitted being “befuddled”, Sir Stephen Fry complained it’s “so dashed difficult”.
And the whole nation shouted at their screens, wondering why the celebrities are quite so rubbish at catching a traitor.
The episode started with another faithful – singer Charlotte Church – hitting the dust, as she became the Traitors’ latest victim.
Presenter Claudia Winkleman echoed all of our frustration, as she ticked off the celebs at breakfast.
“The voice of an angel and now she is among them,” Winkleman said, solemnly, about Church’s murder.
“You’ve lost seven faithfuls. Think about that while you enjoy your cheese,” she said, before storming out.
“She doesn’t like us does she,” noted comedian Lucy Beaumont.
But cracks quickly started to emerge in the treacherous trio of Traitors – Alan Carr, Jonathan Ross and Cat Burns.
Early on in the episode, Burns started turning on Ross. “This game is making me evil, but I’ve got to think for myself here,” she said to the cameras.
She also raised his name in an incredibly tense roundtable later in the show.
Imrie and Sir Stephen also shared their suspicions that Ross could be a traitor during Wednesday’s episode.
And social media certainly wants him out. “Get Jonathan Ross OUT!” wrote India Willoughby, while Freddie Fraser from this year’s civilian traitors said the same on TikTok.
But the episode ended in a tie at the roundtable, so we’ll have to wait until Thursday to discover who is out.
“Jonathan Ross could put a giant ‘It’s Me’ sticker on his head and still not get voted off,” lamented one X user.
Elsewhere, the giggling, sweating, nervously-scratching-his-head Alan Carr remains a thing of the past.
Now a cold-hearted killer, Carr seemed to take great pleasure in watching the faithfuls try and work out who had been murdered.
“To be sitting there outwitting Steven Fry, I mean, it’s like beating Albert Einstein in chess or Cluedo or something,” he said.
“I just started stuffing cheese in my mouth cos I can’t stop grinning. Isn’t it funny? I was so nervous when Claudia squeezed my shoulder blade, and now I just love being a traitor.”
Other talking points from Wednesday’s show include Ross’s outfits… again. And not only because he insists on walking around in sunglasses (surely this looks like a man who has something to hide?).
And people on social media seemed pleasantly surprised at Mark Bonnar’s singing during the challenge.
“Mark singing from the trap is such a vibe,” wrote one X user.
“Not Mark singing Loch Lomond in the bear trap, I love it,” said entertainment reporter Jodie McCallum. “This is the Scottish representation we need.”
