In a candid and deeply reflective conversation, Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar dismantles long-held notions of leadership and gender in the Armed Forces, asserting that competence, not identity, defines an officer. Speaking on ABP Live’s Lead Inc. podcast with Manjiri Gokhale Joshi, she draws from decades of service to offer hard-earned lessons on leadership, resilience, and navigating systemic bias. From confronting gender stereotypes early in her career to redefining success beyond perfection, Kanitkar’s insights go beyond the uniform.
Excerpts From The Podcast Interview:
Manjiri Gokhale Joshi: What does leadership mean to you?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: Leadership means taking a team along and “ruling with the head but leading with the heart.” It is not just about taking the correct decisions for yourself, but for everyone around you. You must identify goals and build a vision, but you cannot do it alone, you need to develop people who walk alongside you. It requires a balance of strictness and understanding, because ultimately, it is people who make success possible.
Manjiri: Many young people today feel overwhelmed by choices. What is your advice to them?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: Being informed is important, but there is also a danger in never reaching a conclusion in the right timeframe. Life is not forever. My advice is to think, analyse, choose, and then make that choice work for you. There is no “best choice” — you must take what is appropriate and available, and make it your best.
Manjiri: There are many myths about women in the Armed Forces. What should someone expect today?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: Today, the Armed Forces have opened doors to almost every avenue, from technical and medical roles to fighter pilots, naval officers and combat roles. Gender is no longer a barrier. The Armed Forces is also unique, there are no reservations based on caste or religion. Our only religion is the national spirit.
But it is not the glamour that films show. It is hard work. You need to be mentally strong and physically fit to sustain yourself here.
Manjiri: You were part of one of the early batches of women posted in field hospitals. How did you deal with bias?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: When I was first posted, there were suggestions that I should stay in separate quarters. But I believed that an officer does not have a gender.
I insisted on living, working, running and eating with everyone else. By breaking those stereotypes early on, it made it easier for the generations of women who followed — who are now serving even in places like Siachen.
Manjiri: Many leaders struggle to delegate because they want everything to be perfect. What would you say to them?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: The first thing is delegation. This is especially difficult for those who are perfectionists, and I’ve seen this often with women. There is a tendency to believe that only you can do the job correctly.
But if you try to do everything yourself, you will end up frustrated and even angry and that affects both your work and your family. You have to learn to be “less than perfect.” Tell your team what needs to be done and where to go, but don’t control the “how.”
Let them cross their own bridges. Be there to support them, to hand-hold when required but give them the space to grow.
Manjiri: Many women leave the workforce mid-career due to social expectations. How did you navigate this?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: These are often stereotypes imposed by society, but things are changing. Life is a partnership. If a woman relocates, it should be her choice, not a demand.
I was fortunate to have support, my husband chose to move with me after his retirement. But I also believe that not everything should become a constant 50-50 negotiation or a turn-by-turn battle, because that can strain relationships.
Motherhood is something only a woman experiences — why not enjoy it? A woman should lead not because she has to prove something, but because she is capable of bringing her unique strengths into leadership.
Manjiri: What has been your biggest setback, and how did you deal with it?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: There were times when gender impacted my career progression. Despite merit, I was pushed to the bottom of my batch because I was on a short service commission.
I could have spent years fighting it legally, but I chose to move forward and turn that challenge into an opportunity.
There were also deeply personal challenges. At one point, my mother was in a coma, and my family was spread across three different cities. It was a difficult time balancing everything.
But I realised that sometimes you need to step back in order to come back with greater force. In the long run, what matters is how you handle the moment.
Manjiri: How should people deal with mid-career challenges and breaks?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: Mid-career is often when people, especially women, are pulled in multiple directions, including responsibilities like motherhood.
But a career break is not a setback. When you return, you bring life experiences that no textbook can teach. That makes you a more compassionate and effective leader.
We are now moving from tokenism to true inclusion, where organisations value this lived experience. If one door closes, you must look for the open windows.
Manjiri: What is your message for building an inclusive and developed India?
Lt Gen Madhuri Kanitkar: It starts with each one of us. A developed India is only possible when we support the weakest link. We must find our Ikigai — our purpose — and contribute what the world needs. True success lies in taking people along from every walk of life.
