‘Why did she go there?’: How the onus of safety keeps falling on women
“Only when Sitaji crossed the Lakshman rekha was she kidnapped by Ravan,” BJP leader Kailash Vijayvargiya said in 2013, invoking the mythological boundary as a warning for women to stay “within limits” to avoid being abducted by “Ravanas”.The remark was widely criticised at the time. Yet its underlying message was unmistakable: when violence occurs, the woman must have stepped out of line.Statements like these reflect a long-standing pattern in which responsibility quietly shifts from the perpetrator to the victim — from the act of violence itself to a woman’s choices, movements and behaviour.This is not about one leader, one party or one careless remark. It is about a mindset — deeply embedded across politics, courts, families and everyday conversations — that continues to search for causes of sexual violence in women’s conduct rather than men’s decisions.Back in 2013, Vijayvargiya’s comments were condemned. More than a decade later, the language may have softened, the metaphors may have changed — the thinking has not.Fast forward to 2025, and similar blame once again dominated headlines. Last October, a second-year medical student was gang-raped near her institute campus in Durgapur after stepping out for dinner with a male classmate. In response, West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee said that “girls should not be allowed to come outside at night-time.”
Different words. The same grim picture.
The remark drew political backlash. BJP MP Bansuri Swaraj accused Banerjee of justifying rape and called the comment reflective of a “regressive mindset.” Banerjee later said her words had been distorted and taken out of context.But once again, the focus had shifted — away from the crime, toward policing women’s behaviour.Victim-blaming is not confined to political rhetoric. At times, it seeps into judicial language as well.In March 2025, the Allahabad High Court granted bail to a man accused of raping a woman he met at a bar in Delhi’s Hauz Khas, observing that the “victim herself invited trouble.”The comment drew sharp scrutiny from the Supreme Court. Justices B.R. Gavai and Augustine George Masih cautioned judges against such observations, stating that while bail may be granted, courts must be careful in how they speak about survivors of sexual violence.In 2021, Karnataka MLA KR Ramesh Kumar sparked nationwide condemnation after saying in the assembly that “when rape is inevitable, lie down and enjoy it” — a statement that drew laughter from some members.The remark was later withdrawn, with Kumar apologising and claiming he had no intention of insulting women or the House. But the damage lay not just in the words, but in the ease with which they were spoken and received.
The never-ending list of restrictions
Time and again, public discourse around sexual violence drifts away from the crime itself and toward moral instruction for women — where they should go, how they should dress, and when they should be visible.From warnings like “don’t cross limits” to strict rules such as “don’t step out at night,” the underlying message remains the same — women must continue to change and modify their lives to prevent crimes they did not commit. For many, these limitations are not a matter of choice but an evil necessity, adopted as precautions to stay safe and protected.For many families, these restrictions are framed as protection, not control. The mother of a 19-year-old told TOI that while she had no issue with her daughter’s clothes or independence, that freedom felt conditional.“When we’re around, we feel she is safe,” she said. “But when she’s alone, it’s different.”Another woman from Noida described the same conflict. “I want my daughter to live freely,” she said. “But with crime rates so high, fear always wins.”
However, no matter what measures women take, it is never really safe.A 21-year-old college student told TOI about a frightening experience returning late to her college hostel. “A car with 4-5 men slowed down near me, and one called out, ‘ee aaja’ (hey, come here). My instincts said to run, but I felt numb and just kept walking. They eventually drove off, but those few seconds traumatised me,” she said, adding that she was dressed modest.A Delhi-based corporate worker told TOI, “Though my parents are supportive and trust me, they still set what they think are ‘reasonable’ restrictions for my safety—like a curfew and discomfort with certain clothes since I use public transport here. Given the city’s crime rates, they believe dressing modestly and getting home before dark helps avoid unwanted attention. It’s as if it’s normal for women not to go out at night—that’s the reality.”This is the quiet burden women grow up carrying — not just fear of violence, but fear of blame.
‘Staying within limits’ does not protect women
The idea that safety lies in restraint collapses under data.According to NCRB figures from 2023, 97.5% of reported rape cases were committed by someone known to the victim. Homes, families and relationships — not streets alone — are often where violence occurs.
https://www.datawrapper.de/_/XnTr4/?v=2
Supreme Court advocate Barnali Basak told TOI that social stigma prevents many survivors, particularly from privileged backgrounds, from reporting sexual violence.“The fear of social judgment outweighs the crime itself,” she said.Children remain among the most vulnerable. Experts warn that abuse within families often goes unreported for years, silenced by fear, dependency and shame.Akansha Rastogi, a developmental psychologist at Children First, told TOI, “When a child reports abuse but is ignored or silenced, the psychological impact can be severe. Their boundaries are violated, and they lose their sense of control. This can lead to long-term mental health issues, insecurities, and difficulties trusting others.” She further added that trauma is often stored in the body, as it keeps“the score, which can affect future relationships and intimacy in unpredictable ways.”
Shifting the focus: From victims to perpetrators
Dr Medha, assistant professor of psychology at Patna Women’s College, explained that victim-blaming functions as a psychological defence.She explained, “Victim-blaming helps people feel safe. It reduces fear, protects social beliefs, and maintains existing power structures.”“People want to believe the world is fair,” she said. “Blaming the victim creates distance — ‘this won’t happen to me.’”
But the reality, experts stress, is simple: rape is not caused by clothing, behaviour or timing. It is an act rooted in power, entitlement and control. “Rape is not caused by a woman’s clothes, behavior, or personality…rape occurs even when women are: fully covered, elderly, children, disabled, or in safe places. These cases clearly show that clothing or “attractiveness” is not the cause,” Dr Medha explained.Women are raped at home, by relatives, by husbands, in daylight, while fully covered, and even as children. If clothing or visibility were causes, these patterns would not exist.The conclusion is unambiguous: rape happens because some men choose to violate.Blaming women does nothing to prevent it. Holding perpetrators accountable does.The way forwardEnding victim-blaming requires a fundamental shift — from asking “Why was she there?” to asking “Why did he do this?” Blaming the victim can create a false sense of security: “If I don’t do that, it won’t happen to me.” But this is an illusion. Sexual violence occurs not because someone was visible, friendly, or outside—it happens because someone felt entitled, lacked empathy, or chose to misuse power.According to trauma psychologist Judith Herman, healing begins when survivors are believed, not interrogated.“Blaming women is fear-based,” she writes. “Believing women is justice-based.”A society that stops blaming survivors is not becoming weaker. It is becoming more honest. Go to Source
