Ca didate
Cou t
Bi face
poses
fo
the
media
du i g
the
Clacto
by-electio
cou t
at
the
Leisu e
Ce t e
i
Clacto
o
Sea,
E gla d,
F iday,
Aug.
14,
2026.(AP
Photo/Richa d
Pelham)
Eve
si ce
the
B exit
efe e dum
–
called
by
a
P ime
Mi iste
who
had
to
mai tai
a
stiff
uppe
lip
about
whethe
he
had
a y
coital
elatio s
with
a
dead
hog
–
B itish
politics
has
bee
a
su eal
Lovec aftia
ho o
show,
with
the
highlight
bei g
a
P ime
Mi iste
whose
i i gs
was
sho te
tha
that
of
a
bulb
of
lettuce.
A d
yet
it
was
ho ifyi g
e ough
fo
the
Quee
–
who
sha ed
he
ame
–
to
depa t
fo
Elysium.
O
pe haps
it
was
the
evulsio
at
deali g
with
a
colou ed
Duchess
of
Sussex.Eve ythi g
about
B itish
politics
si ce
B exit
has
bee
so
off
the
ails
–
much
like
the
politics
ac oss
the
Po d
–
that
fa s
of
Yes
Mi iste
have
eve
bee
left
wo de i g
if
the
classic
show
was
too
sedate
to
captu e
the
schizoph e ic
chica e y
of
the
cu e t
e a.Si ce
David
Came o
stepped
dow ,
we’ve
had
so
ma y
P ime
Mi iste s
f om
the
la d
of
Shakespea e
that
the
p emie ship
has
sta ted
esembli g
what
a
colleague
labelled
a
“two-yea
f ee
t ial”
subsc iptio
se vice.We’ve
had
The esa
May,
whose
idea
of
youthful
deli que cy
was
u i g
th ough
fields
of
wheat.We’ve
had
the
follicula ly
challe ged
Bo is
Joh so ,
whose
eig
e ded
tha ks
to
hosti g
too
ma y
lockdow
pa ties.Liz
T uss
lasted
49
days
–
e ough
time
to
c ash
the
pou d,
dest oy
the
bo d
ma ket,
sack
he
Cha cello
a d
still
ea
the
dubious
ho ou
of
bei g
the
last
P ime
Mi iste
to
be
appoi ted
by
Elizabeth
II.
Rishi
Su ak
followed
soo
afte ,
the
fi st
Hi du
PM
who
had
the
ight
to
appoi t
the
A chbishop
of
Ca te bu y,
a d
a
ma
whose
fathe -i -law’s
views
o
wo ke s’
ights
would
make
Ka l
Ma x
tu
i
his
g ave.But
thi gs
did ’t
get
bette ,
as
Labou
picked
Kei
Sta me ,
a
ma
who
somehow
led
Labou
to
a
411-seat
la dslide
a d
yet
ma aged
to
be
ousted
i
two
sho t
yea s.
Pe haps
it
had
to
do
with
the
fact
that
he
had
o
disce ible
quality
beyo d
bei g
the
huma
ve sio
of
a
te ms-a d-co ditio s
page.
He
was
fi ally
eplaced
by
“Ki g
of
the
No th”
A dy
Bu ham,
who
looks
like
a
AI
ite atio
of
Kei
Sta me
ge e ated
with
a
GPT
p ompt
to
add
a
little
mo e
gel
to
his
hai .So,
it’s
ha dly
su p isi g
that
the
P ime
Mi iste -i -waiti g
just
wo
a
by-electio
i
Clacto -o -Sea
that
was
boycotted
by
all
the
majo
pa ties,
i cludi g
the
To ies,
Labou ,
the
Libe al
Democ ats
a d
the
G ee
Pa ty.The
by-electio
was
p ompted
by
Nigel
Fa age
esig i g
afte
the
evelatio
that
he
had
eceived
a
£5m
pe so al
gift
f om
a
Thaila d-based
c ypto
billio ai e
whe
he
had
p omised
ot
to
e te
electo al
politics.
He
said
he
could
spe d
it
howeve
he
wa ted,
i cludi g
o
“buyi g
a
Fe a i”,
a d
that
he
was
esig i g
to
“stick
two
fi ge s
up
to
the
establishme t”.His
mai
oppo e t,
i stead,
was
the
b eakout
cha acte
of
this
electio :
Cou t
Bi face,
who,
whe
asked
whe e
he
is
o
the
spect um,
claims:
“I
am
the
galactic
ce t e,
a d
eve ythi g
else
evolves
a ou d
me…”
Nigel
Fa age
vs
Cou t
Bi face
(AI
Ca too
by
Ni malya
Dutta)
I o ically,
Nigel
Fa age
is ’t
Bi face’s
fi st
odeo.
Comedia
Jo
Ha vey,
Cou t
Bi face’s
alte
ego,
fi st
co tested
agai st
The esa
May
as
Lo d
Buckethead,
a
Sta
Wa s
pa ody
of
Da th
Vade ,
befo e
late
“ espaw i g”
as
Cou t
Bi face
a d
faci g
off
agai st
p ime
mi iste ial
ca didates
Bo is
Joh so ,
Rishi
Su ak
a d
A dy
Bu ham.His
pledges
i clude
aisi g
eve yo e’s
taxes
while
educi g
you s,
maki g
Way e
Roo ey
the
expe t
summa ise
fo
the
BBC
at
Eu ovisio ,
atio alisi g
Adele
a d
spe di g
mo e
time
i
Clacto -o -Sea
tha
i
Washi gto
DC.
The
last
is
a
obvious
dig
at
Nigel
Fa age’s
amou
p ope
fo
Do ald
T ump
ac oss
the
Po d.It
says
somethi g
that
a
sati ical
ca didate’s
p omises
sou d
mo e
easo able
tha
the
cu e t
state
of
UK
politics,
i
which
Fa age’s
a ival
as
PM-i -waiti g
would
equi e
a
P amod
Mahaja -like
expla atio
of
democ acy.
Mahaja
o ce
desc ibed
a
apoc yphal
meeti g
with
a
Chi ese
delegatio
whose
membe s
we e
flabbe gasted
to
lea
about
democ acy
a d
the
pa ticula ly
co fusi g
fi st-past-the-post
system.
The
speech
goes:
“I
am
P amod
Mahaja .
I
am
a
Membe
of
Lok
Sabha.
I
belo g
to
the
si gle-la gest
pa ty
a d
I
am
i
the
oppositio .
The
Chi ese
we e
left
looki g
aghast.
‘Is
you
pa ty
the
si gle-la gest
pa ty?’
I
said,
‘Yes,
we
a e
the
si gle-la gest
pa ty
i
the
House
a d
we
a e
i
the
oppositio .’
The
I
poi ted
out
Sh i
S iballav
Pa ig ahi
a d
told
them
he
belo ged
to
the
seco d-la gest
pa ty.
Though
he
was
outside
the
gove me t,
he
was
suppo ti g
the
gove me t.
The
I
poi ted
towa ds
Sh i
M.A.
Baby
a d
told
them
that
he
belo ged
to
the
thi d-la gest
pa ty.
He
was
i side
the
F o t
but
outside
the
gove me t.
A d
the
I
said,
‘He
is
M
Ramaka t
Khalap.
He
is
the
o ly
Membe
of
his
pa ty
a d
he
is
i
the
gove me t.’”Today,
the
state
of
B itai ’s
650-seat
political
system
fi ds
itself
i
eed
of
a
P amod
Mahaja -like
a alysis.Kei
Sta me
wo
411
seats
i
2024
with
33.7%
of
the
vote,
but
Labou
ow
polls
at
just
24%,
a d
Sta me
–
despite
the
la dslide
victo y
–
had
to
make
way
fo
A dy
Bu ham.Nigel
Fa age’s
Refo m
UK
has
o ly
eight
MPs
–
it
wo
five
i
2024
a d
added
a
few
th ough
by-electio s
a d
defectio s
–
but
ow
polls
at
22%.Kemi
Bade och’s
Co se vatives
have
mo e
tha
100
MPs
a d
a e
the
Official
Oppositio ,
but
poll
at
21%
a d
a e
u i g
thi d.Ed
Davey’s
Libe al
Democ ats
have
72
MPs,
maki g
them
the
thi d-la gest
pa ty
i
Pa liame t,
despite
polli g
at
o ly
11%.Zack
Pola ski’s
G ee s
have
five
MPs
but
12%
suppo t,
placi g
them
ahead
of
the
Libe al
Democ ats.Rupe t
Lowe’s
Resto e
B itai
has
o e
MP
a d
4%,
which
is
owhe e
ea
e ough
to
make
him
P ime
Mi iste ,
but
he
ca
split
the
ight-wi g
vote
a d
p eve t
Fa age
f om
e te i g
Dow i g
St eet.
AI
Ca too
by
Ni malya
Dutta
A d
amo g
this
glo ious
gallimauf y
of
pa ties,
thei
ideologies
a e
ema kably
complicated
as
well.
The
G ee s
a e
o
the
ha d
left
a d
used
to
be
eally
bothe ed
about
the
e vi o me t,
but,
afte
some
ew
additio s,
appea
to
thi k
that
the
co flict
i
the
Middle
East
is
a
bigge
deal
tha
a ythi g
happe i g
i
B itai .
The
t aditio ally
left-wi g
Labou
Pa ty
is
to
the
ight
of
the
G ee s
but
to
the
left
of
the
Libe al
Democ ats.
The
To ies
a e
ce t e- ight
these
days,
Refo m
UK
is
fu the
to
the
ight
tha
the
To ies,
a d
Resto e
B itai
b i gs
up
the
ight
fla k.It’s
the
so t
of
political
khichdi
that
would
have
made
the
Natio al
Assembly
delegates
f om
the
F e ch
Revolutio
co template
the
shee
mad ess
they
we e
about
to
u leash
o
the
wo ld.Take
Nigel
Fa age’s
ow
evolutio .
He
we t
f om
bei g
a
membe
of
the
Co se vative
Pa ty,
a
Thatche ite
Eu osceptic
obsessed
with
sove eig ty
a d
leavi g
Eu ope,
to
joi i g
UKIP
a d
the
the
B exit
Pa ty,
whe e
he
stood
dow
ca didates
to
let
Bo is
Joh so
co solidate
the
Leave
vote
fo
the
To ies.Late ,
the
B exit
Pa ty
became
Refo m
UK,
whe e
the
e emy
cha ged
f om
B ussels
to
the
B itish
“Blob”:
all
the
a ms
of
B itish
society,
i cludi g
Westmi ste ,
Whitehall,
the
cou ts,
u ive sities
a d
eve y
i stitutio
supposedly
f ust ati g
the
popula
will.
Fa age
ma aged
to
e te
Pa liame t
o
his
eighth
attempt
i
2024,
has
become
a
majo
ally
of
Do ald
T ump
a d
the
MAGA
moveme t
ac oss
the
Po d,
a d
ow
the
ma
who
has
udged
B itish
politics
fo
yea s
without
e te i g
Pa liame t
is
o
the
cusp
of
co t olli g
the
establishme t
he
so
detests.
A d
if
the
polls
a d
fi st-past-the-post
pe fo m
thei
peculia
magic,
B itai ’s
ext
P ime
Mi iste
may
just
have
bee
a oi ted
afte
defeati g
a
ma
wea i g
a
t ash
ca
o
his
head.A d
if
that
happe s,
both
sides
of
the
Po d
will
be
co t olled
by
outside s
who
spe t
yea s
cocki g
a
s ook
at
the
establishme t
befo e
showi g
that
they
could
do
fa ,
fa
wo se
o ce
they
got
powe
i
thei
ha ds.
That
would
t uly
ceme t
the
“special
elatio ship”
that
G eat
B itai
has
boasted
of
havi g
with
the
US
of
A
fo
yea s.Pe haps
the
wo ld
ought
to
back
Cou t
Bi face
i stead.